10 on Tuesday

1. Well, I never did post What Not to Say last Thursday. We were out of town with no internet access, so I will try again this week.
2. Sunday, a friend of mine announced that she is expecting her third child. It really hit me hard. I just kept thinking to myself, why does she get to have three and I don't get to have any?
3. With that thought leads me to my next thought, I should be happy for people because I know how happy and excited I will be when I finally get pregnant...I guess I just have those kind of days where I don't want to be happy.
4. It has been gorgeous out lately! I love cool, fall weather. Not to hot; but not to cold.
5. Thursday, I get to help my husband celebrate his 30th birthday! So fun, can't wait to give him his present he has no idea what to expect!
6. Bath and Body Works is having a great sale. Went to buy a birthday present for a friend and came out with a bagful of goodies for myself...
7. Do you realize how fast water can flow through ones system? Pretty fast! I have been trying to drink more water and it just flows out of me faster than I can drink it in! lol!
8. Tomorrow my husband and I get to go golfing...haven't been in a while, so hopefully I am not to much of an embarrassment to him.
9. If you don't have your volume on, turn it on-I posted music!
10. Thursday, I promise to do my best and post, What Not to Say!

10 on Tuesday

1. It is a very cool and rainy day...it feels like fall is here-time to pull out the jackets!
2. Question, is it true if you have a puppy/dog that when a baby comes along its time to say goodbye to the puppy/dog? Just curious, I keep meeting people that say babies and dogs/puppies don't go together well.
3. My answer to the question, I don't see any reason why you need to get rid of your "animal baby" as long as they are not a threat to your human baby! =)
4. I hate baby dreams, last night I had a dream that I was feeding a baby girl, then I dressed her up into this cute bumble bee outfit and had my mom take pictures of me and her together. The dream felt so real and I was disappointed to wake up and find it not true...
5. Cherry Dr. Pepper, I really love that stuff lately. I don't usually drink a lot of pop; but lately it just always sounds so good, I find myself having to drink it.
6. Thinking about writing a book for people who are wanting a baby; but just can't seem to get pregnant. There is not much on the book market regarding this subject.
7. My husband turns 30 pretty soon, wow he is getting old! I am three years behind him, he really robbed the cradle when he married me.
8. I am so impressed with myself, this 10 on Tuesday thing is coming to me very easily!
9. I am so proud of myself, I have lost 13 pounds-trying to get my body back to a good healthy weight...it would probably be healthier if I would quit drinking the cherry dr. pepper!
10. Stay tuned to Thursday for my post, What Not to Say!

Really, I am!

I am going to attempt to start posting to this blog at least every other day. I really need to be more commited to my blog. Beginning tomorrow, I will be doing 10 on Tuesday, Thursdays I will post a new weekly "post" entitled What Not to Say and on Saturdays I hope to post relevant updates about my current life! Oh the ideas I have, we will see what really happens! Until tomorrow!

Another Month, Another No

I was pleasantly surprised with how well I handled getting my "special friend" this month. I was not counting days, I have noticed that when I figure out the exact day my period is due that I create problem thoughts for myself. Thoughts of, "I don't feel any early cramps, I think I might be pregnant!" Then it goes from there, when I think that there might be a chance of pregnancy, my next thought leads to, "what can I accomplish in the next 9 months and how will I tell my husband/family the news?!" But, this month while I must admit, I did have a thought of what if I am pregnant-it was very fleeting. When my "special friend" showed up, I was disappointed; but the Lord is teaching me that this is for my good and His glory. I might not always understand what the good is; but there is a good reason for the Lord doing this in my life and I can glorify the Lord in this situation if I choose to be. So, the question is am I going to glorify Him? This month? Yes! Haha-now hopefully next month I can have this same good attitude.

Contentment

So, last night sitting in church it hit me, I mean really hit me. I am not content with my life and deep down I believe that only when I have a baby of my own that I will truly be content. However, I realize that if God ever does give me a baby, then I will find something else in my life that I am not content about. Contentment does not rest in my ability to bear children. The best thing that I can do for my "future" children, is learn how to be truly content with what God has already given me. I brought nothing into this world and I will take nothing out of it when I die-that means I can't even take my children with me. God knows already what I need and what He sees fit to give me, I need to accept, be content with and ever so thankful because its already more than I deserve. So, really I already have my needs-what God believes I have need of and I should spend my days resting in that and learning to be content with that. I don't "need" a child-I want a child....its a desire of my heart; but until God sees fit to give me a child-I need to learn to be content and if I can learn this simple lesson, I will gain so much and if the Lord ever allows me to have children they will be able to get gain in their lives from having an example of a mother who knows how to be content with the things and gifts of God.

For His Good & For His Glory

Oh my word, what I have been so busy doing that I haven't updated this in forever?! Well, since my last post, my "dear friend" showed up. How did that make me feel? 1.) I really wasn't surprised that it showed up, I knew in my heart I wasn't pregnant. 2.) I was sad, but no tears were shed. 3.) I was able to move on and accept it more easily than in times past. Each month that passes, I still get sad; but it gets easier to accept.
A friend of mine and I were talking-she is going through this as well. We are often told, that if God ever allows us to get pregnant when we look back these months will look so small and we will smile and think ourselves silly because we thought we would be waiting for forever. I can't help but think that though it may true, the people that often tell us these things get pregnant quite easily so they really don't know what we are feeling. Feelings of helpless and hopelessness are no "silly" matter and right now it is hard to think of the future. Its best to just live day by day and not put hope into "what ifs" and possibilities that may never be.
My husband and I are going to keep "trying" until December and if we are still not pregnant, we are going to consider talking to a doctor and seeing what can be done. We have now officially been trying for 9 months total.
God is good and He is always right, even though it may seem that we disagree with His will, deep down we really do want it because it best and this situation is for my good and for His glory!

2 Days....

So, my wonderful friend is to show up within two days...augh!!!!!!!!!!! I hope it doesn't come-I want to tell God not to let "it" show up; but then I remember, His will is best and if it is time for me to have a baby in my tummy He will put a baby there!
Other than, hoping my "friend" doesn't show up, I am dealing with a sunburn and a slight headache from hardly sleeping the last three nights. Hopefully, when I write next it will be with good news...

Some Internet Myths Busted!

So, I really wanted to try and keep this blog daily; but we see where that got me. I apologize.
I had my pap-everything came back normal. During my pap, I was offered a glimmer of hope through the insight of my doctor! She helped me figure out my dates of ovulation for August and taught me something about ovulation that I was confused about. For some reason, well the reason; because I spend to much time on the internet trying to gain "knowledge"; but came out with less knowledge and more confusion on ovulation. I was under the impression that the best time during ovulation to get preggo, is when you release very thick CM, which I had read somewhere would give the sperm better chance of sticking. However, this is wrong-the thicker the CM the harder the egg and sperm have to work and thick CM signals the end of ovulation. So, the best time during ovulation to try and get preggo is when the CM looks very thin and kind of water, it allows the sperm to work more easily to get to your uterus. I also asked my doctor about dieting and exercise while trying to get preggo. I had read once again on the internet that its not good to be exercising while trying to conceive-wrong! Its okay to exercise while trying to conceive as long as you don't overdo it and the best diet program to be on is Weight Watchers because its a diet that is actually healthy and doesn't harm your body! I say all this to say, if you are going to be an internet junkie like me and be reading everything under the sun about trying to conceive, make sure you share that info with your doctor and verify its truth.
I am hoping with my new found knowledge that my chances of getting pregnant are just right around the corner. My period is to arrive sometime this week...I hate the waiting game and the mind games I play with myself during this time. Also, what makes the waiting game and mind games even more harder is that I keep finding out that friends and people I know are preggo! Why does that always seem to happen when my period is due? I keep hoping, maybe I will have good news to share myself in a few days...the good news usually never happens and I just get sad about it all. Sometimes, I don't feel like being happy for my friends....sometimes, I really don't want to walk past the baby section at Target or see another preggo person or a newborn baby. I throw myself such a pity party every month that comes and goes that I am yet again not pregnant.
So, apparently, I am already throwing myself the pity party....

My "Special" Friend

So, I realized...yet again that I am officially not preggo this month either. Augh!!!! There was hope; but deep down I knew I wasn't preggo even before my period, which I lovingly call my "special" friend appeared this week. You know, I was thinking this week about the months previous and when I should have bought stock in the pregnancy tests that even though I was taking the test that deep down I knew I wasn't preggo. So, why was I spending my money on something I knew was going to tell me no once again? I guess its because I don't want to feel like I am giving up on my fight to get preggo...I want it so bad that I don't want to let the defeat I feel deep down show to anyone else but me. I realize that every month that passes with me not being preggo defeats my husband as well...but I think he feels defeated because he knows just how disappointed I am-especially during the months when I cry. I try not to cry every time. Next week I get a pap done and I am going to ask my doctor questions about what to do...to help increase my chances of pregnancy if there is something that I can do I want to do it! Especially, if it could help me be cramp free for 9 months due to this special friend that shows up to remind me that I am not preggo!
My hope...well since the answer was no this month that means I have another month to at least continue working at my body to get it in better shape! I am trying to lose weight and I know its best to lose weight before I get preggo because it has been said if you are at your desired weight when you do get preggo it is easier to shed the baby weight after birth! Also, if you are treating your body good now, you are already doing good for yourself and a baby! So, my hope is that by this time next month I will have dropped at least another 5 lbs! Do you have unwanted pounds that you complain about? If your answer was no this month as well...join me and shed some unwanted pounds!

Welcome

Dear Friend,
Hello...well if you are reading this blog there is a good chance that you are in the same boat that I am! You want a baby; but there is still no baby and it seems that possibly pregnancy seems an unreachable dream. Where do you and I find hope and peace in a time of waiting for a baby? How do we find the smile to put on our faces when another girlfriend tells us that she is expecting? Do we push down the emotions we feel when we see a newborn being held in the arms of its mother in a public place? Unfortunately, these are questions that I do not have the answers to and these very questions are things that I have had to face. I may not be able to ever answer these questions...but through this blog I hope to be able to share hope in the journey with you!
Love,
A Baby Dreamer