Contentment

So, last night sitting in church it hit me, I mean really hit me. I am not content with my life and deep down I believe that only when I have a baby of my own that I will truly be content. However, I realize that if God ever does give me a baby, then I will find something else in my life that I am not content about. Contentment does not rest in my ability to bear children. The best thing that I can do for my "future" children, is learn how to be truly content with what God has already given me. I brought nothing into this world and I will take nothing out of it when I die-that means I can't even take my children with me. God knows already what I need and what He sees fit to give me, I need to accept, be content with and ever so thankful because its already more than I deserve. So, really I already have my needs-what God believes I have need of and I should spend my days resting in that and learning to be content with that. I don't "need" a child-I want a child....its a desire of my heart; but until God sees fit to give me a child-I need to learn to be content and if I can learn this simple lesson, I will gain so much and if the Lord ever allows me to have children they will be able to get gain in their lives from having an example of a mother who knows how to be content with the things and gifts of God.

For His Good & For His Glory

Oh my word, what I have been so busy doing that I haven't updated this in forever?! Well, since my last post, my "dear friend" showed up. How did that make me feel? 1.) I really wasn't surprised that it showed up, I knew in my heart I wasn't pregnant. 2.) I was sad, but no tears were shed. 3.) I was able to move on and accept it more easily than in times past. Each month that passes, I still get sad; but it gets easier to accept.
A friend of mine and I were talking-she is going through this as well. We are often told, that if God ever allows us to get pregnant when we look back these months will look so small and we will smile and think ourselves silly because we thought we would be waiting for forever. I can't help but think that though it may true, the people that often tell us these things get pregnant quite easily so they really don't know what we are feeling. Feelings of helpless and hopelessness are no "silly" matter and right now it is hard to think of the future. Its best to just live day by day and not put hope into "what ifs" and possibilities that may never be.
My husband and I are going to keep "trying" until December and if we are still not pregnant, we are going to consider talking to a doctor and seeing what can be done. We have now officially been trying for 9 months total.
God is good and He is always right, even though it may seem that we disagree with His will, deep down we really do want it because it best and this situation is for my good and for His glory!

2 Days....

So, my wonderful friend is to show up within two days...augh!!!!!!!!!!! I hope it doesn't come-I want to tell God not to let "it" show up; but then I remember, His will is best and if it is time for me to have a baby in my tummy He will put a baby there!
Other than, hoping my "friend" doesn't show up, I am dealing with a sunburn and a slight headache from hardly sleeping the last three nights. Hopefully, when I write next it will be with good news...

Some Internet Myths Busted!

So, I really wanted to try and keep this blog daily; but we see where that got me. I apologize.
I had my pap-everything came back normal. During my pap, I was offered a glimmer of hope through the insight of my doctor! She helped me figure out my dates of ovulation for August and taught me something about ovulation that I was confused about. For some reason, well the reason; because I spend to much time on the internet trying to gain "knowledge"; but came out with less knowledge and more confusion on ovulation. I was under the impression that the best time during ovulation to get preggo, is when you release very thick CM, which I had read somewhere would give the sperm better chance of sticking. However, this is wrong-the thicker the CM the harder the egg and sperm have to work and thick CM signals the end of ovulation. So, the best time during ovulation to try and get preggo is when the CM looks very thin and kind of water, it allows the sperm to work more easily to get to your uterus. I also asked my doctor about dieting and exercise while trying to get preggo. I had read once again on the internet that its not good to be exercising while trying to conceive-wrong! Its okay to exercise while trying to conceive as long as you don't overdo it and the best diet program to be on is Weight Watchers because its a diet that is actually healthy and doesn't harm your body! I say all this to say, if you are going to be an internet junkie like me and be reading everything under the sun about trying to conceive, make sure you share that info with your doctor and verify its truth.
I am hoping with my new found knowledge that my chances of getting pregnant are just right around the corner. My period is to arrive sometime this week...I hate the waiting game and the mind games I play with myself during this time. Also, what makes the waiting game and mind games even more harder is that I keep finding out that friends and people I know are preggo! Why does that always seem to happen when my period is due? I keep hoping, maybe I will have good news to share myself in a few days...the good news usually never happens and I just get sad about it all. Sometimes, I don't feel like being happy for my friends....sometimes, I really don't want to walk past the baby section at Target or see another preggo person or a newborn baby. I throw myself such a pity party every month that comes and goes that I am yet again not pregnant.
So, apparently, I am already throwing myself the pity party....